did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
