He disabled his match.com account in front of me
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
