Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
