the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Brb crying the tears of my youth
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
