Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
