im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
