What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
