It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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