dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
