That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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