Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
