I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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