I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
