Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
