I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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