You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
