Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
where are you?
Hypothermia
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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