So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
