He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize
