Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
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