y did u give ur computer a hand job?
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
There are leaves in my underwear?
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
