got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
