I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
