I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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