I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
He passed out mid-signature
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
