New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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