i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize
