I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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