Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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