dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
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