we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Actions speak louder than pants.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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