I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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