you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Randomize
