if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
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