i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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