WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
