The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
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