If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
