Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
