apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
