Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
