when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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