I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
