We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
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