god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
