so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
