just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
