Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
