AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize
