I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
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