Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
