i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Farmville is her only friend.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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