who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Randomize
